


Absolution

by ohmymcgrath



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Fix-It, S03E17: Trinity, SuperCorp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-05-03 21:13:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14577783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohmymcgrath/pseuds/ohmymcgrath
Summary: Lena's been keeping secrets. But then, so has Kara. A fix-it fic for episode 17.





	Absolution

**Author's Note:**

> I tried, guys. This show makes it hard sometimes.
> 
> Thanks for giving it a shot :)

Kara can feel her sister's head against her shoulder, the steady feel of her palm as it rubs circles into her back, but Alex's presence and quiet support do nothing for the ache she can feel growing in her heart. It's been cracking since the moment she arrived at L-Corp, since she laid eyes on Sam trapped behind a force field strong enough to keep a Worldkiller contained. It's been cracking since the moment she looked at Lena, hesitation behind the green of her eyes but stubborn determination in the lilt of her chin as she prepared to defend whatever it was she had been doing.

Deep down, she knows that Lena is right. Where the DEO had barely managed to keep one Worldkiller contained for a single day, Lena had been succeeding for weeks. And not only had she kept Reign under control, which basically made her single-handedly responsible for keeping the city safe, but she also managed to _learn_  about her. That information could be invaluable in not only saving lives but in saving the Worldkillers themselves.

It was exactly what Kara wanted, so why did her heart feel so... broken?

Alex thinks it's because of the kryptonite. It's the excuse she's been using all day, the one that she's had gripped like iron in her fists as she practically interrogates her best friend and begs the anger to stay (because without the anger, she just feels _sad_ ).

Deep down, Kara knows it's about so much more than that. It's an issue of trust. Of secrets withheld. 

But not Lena's. Her own.

Because amidst all these new realizations - Reign's true identity, Lena's involvement - has been the realization of how much she has withheld.

She always thought that she kept Supergirl a secret from Lena for her protection. After all, Lena seemed to have a new target on her back every month. If Lex ever learned that she was close to a Super, Kara couldn't imagine what he might do. She knew it wouldn't be good, and she wanted to spare Lena from having to defend yet another part of her life. She wanted to spare Lena more pain.

As time went on and she got closer to the other woman, though, her reasons became more selfish. It felt so _good_  to be around Lena, to have one person that simply saw her for who she was. No suit, no powers, no inherent need to coddle her because of everything she went through (everything she lost) and how hard it was for her to be Kara Zor-el, alien on Earth. With Lena she was just Kara, and that was something she loved having so desperately that she kept silent about everything else.

But she had been wrong. 

Finding out that Lena had been hiding Sam _hurt_. It hurt because it meant that Lena didn't feel close enough, didn't feel _safe_ enough, to come to her.  And in the wake of that hurt, she realized that she'd been doing the exact same thing to her. She realized that if Lena ever found out the truth, she would feel the exact same way Kara felt right now - like her world was falling apart.

Kara hated herself for that.

So she had held onto her anger, spouted words like 'lied' and 'secret' and 'kryptonite' and used them to bottle up the cracks of her own betrayal and wished, _wished_  it didn't feel like she had ruined the very best thing (person) to ever come into her life.

"It will be okay, Kara," Alex murmurs, giving her a small smile. "She's your best friend. You guys will get through this."

Kara doesn't know why this makes her angry, only that the words burn and make her shrug out of her sister's embrace and then, suddenly, words are tumbling out of her mouth as everything becomes too much, too overwhelming, to keep inside her anymore.

"No, we won't," she says harshly. "It's not even about her, Alex. She didn't come to us because - well, why would she? Why would she trust us to help her when we've done nothing but lie to her. About everything?"

Alex sucks in a breath, seems to realize what Kara means even before she does. There's hesitation now, caution, but also the unmistakable understanding of a big sister.

"Kara," she says gently.

But Kara interrupts her, can't stand to see sympathy in her eyes. "Alex, I... I need to tell her. Before this goes any further, I need to tell her the truth."

She doesn't expect Alex to pull her into her arms, doesn't expect there to already be tears on her cheek when she presses it against Alex's shoulder. Alex squeezes her tighter and whispers, "She loves you, Kara. If this is what you need to do, then do it. Because I know how much you care about her, too."

Kara holds her breath, feels her heart clench, the rift inside her expanding. Then she says, so quietly that the words barely leave the safety of her heart, "I need her, Alex."

Alex pulls away and wipes the tears from her cheeks. She cradles her face between her palms and tells her, "Then go fight for her."

She nods. Then again, more certain. And even though there is uncertainty and fear so interwoven inside her she feels she might break, she stalks as confidently as she can in the direction of Lena's heartbeat.

It's easy to find, an almost ever-present compass that tugs her forward like a magnet.

She's wandering a hall away from the main control room, a cell phone pressed to her ear. Kara slows her steps and tries not to eavesdrop. Her superhearing catches the conversation anyway, and she's a little startled when she hears her own voice coming through the receiver.

It's her voicemail message.

"Hey, Kara. It's... It's Lena. Um," Lena is saying quietly, and Kara doesn't need superpowers to hear how her voice wavers. "Look, I'm sorry I haven't called in a few days. I'm, well, I'm working with the DEO. I'm trying to help with Reign. They would probably kill me if they found out I told you but y-you're my best friend and... Well I needed you to know that it was important. That I wasn't just blowing you off."

Kara slows in her steps, tears springing to her eyes.

"Look," Lena sighs, "You've always thought the best of me, Kara. Always believed in me. I've never understood why or been able to figure out how but... I could really use that right now. I could use you. I miss you, Kara."

Kara has never felt so small as Supergirl as she does in that moment, alone in an empty hall as Lena's voice rings through her head, her arms wrapped around her middle as she tries to keep herself together.

Because she really has messed this all up. 

She's blinking furiously through her tears, trying to force them back, when Lena rounds the corner.

"Oh. Supergirl." 

Lena's tone makes her wince. Gone are the traces of warmth, of softness, that she spoke with just moments before - to Kara. In it's place is a resignation and defeat that Kara has never before associated with Lena Luthor.

_I did that_ , she thinks.

She forces herself to speak, a strangled, "Hey," tumbling awkwardly out of her mouth.

They stand there for a moment in a stalemate. Lena wraps her arms around herself as she waits and Kara struggles to find the right words, can't, and ultimately says nothing.

_Fight for her._

"I miss you, too, Lena."

She whispers the words into the space between them, feeling so very vulnerable as she regards the woman in front of her. Lena doesn't say anything, doesn't move save to tilt her head just a fraction. Kara can't read her, can't tell what she's thinking. It's the first time in a long time.

"And I still believe in you. I always have." The words come more easily now. "Sometimes I think I believe in you more than I do myself. You... You never falter. You believe and fight and love with all your heart. You do _good_ , Lena. And it may seem like I've forgotten that, today. But I promise I haven't, it's just... You made me realize that I've made a terrible, terrible mistake."

She looks up, hoping that Lena can see her honesty, can see the plea in her eyes.

"I asked for your trust without being entirely truthful with you. About who I am," she admits. "Maybe if I had, you would have known. Known that you could feel safe with me. That I would never... I-I didn't mean to lie to you. I only wanted... "

She bites her bottom lip as she tries to think of how to finish that sentence, but her thoughts flee her mind when Lena steps forward. She still can't tell what she's thinking, can only see the slight crease between her eyebrows and the hammering of her heart. But when Lena reaches for her, her touch is gentle. Her fingertips brush against Kara's jaw, slide down to her chin to lift her face. Kara meets her eyes with all the courage she can muster, feeling like her entire world (her whole heart) hinges on these next few moments.

When Lena's voice finally enters the space between them, she knows everything has changed. Because there, beneath the hurt and the change, is _hope_.

"What did you want?" she asks.

Kara answers without even thinking.

"You."

Lena holds her gaze, holds it, and then she closes the distance between them. Their bodies press together and Lena's hand slides into her hair as the other tugs her close and Kara finally _breathes_ , her breath ghosting over Lena's neck as her arms wrap around her waist. For that moment, it's just them. It's always been them. Two women with the strength to move mountains, each in their own way. Two women who have searched and searched and _searched_  for peace - and found it in each other. Two women who don't want to let that go.

"I love you, Lena," Kara whispers into Lena's skin. "And I'm so, so sorry."

Lena just holds her; holds her as the pieces inside Kara begin to mend themselves, to reshape into something new and stronger. When she finally pulls back, she has a smile on her face. Kara thinks it looks like absolution. 

"Well," Lena says softly, "we have the rest of our lives to make it up to each other."

Kara grins. "Forever sounds pretty good to me."

And then she presses her lips to Lena's.


End file.
